Day One on the Long Road to Tokyo 2020

Day One on the Long Road to Tokyo 2020

DAY ONE FEELINGS

It was 7:04 am on Wednesday, October 16th and I was just waking up in my hotel room. 

I rolled over in a panic to look at my phone and see what time it was. Immediately, based on the time, I started picturing what was going on at home. 

The kids were rolling out of bed. Dave was just getting breakfast started.

Then the thoughts started coming:

"Are their lunches packed?"

"Do they have their snacks?"

"Is Jack's planner signed?"

"Are their take-home folders back in their bags?"

And a moment of panic hit me.

Here is a little bit of backstory… I had accepted an invitation to re-join Softball Canada in September, and the opportunity to possibly make my third Olympic Roster gave me all the feels - I was so freaking excited.

But there are the "thoughts" of doing something, and then there is the actual "doing" part. It’s kind of like when you find out you are pregnant. Excitement is in the air, but there is still a long time that needs to pass before your life will be forever changed. Right?

Well, it was now time for me to actually act on my previous decision.

My first step? I needed to head out for Fitness Testing mid-October. And, I was good. Totally fine. Zero nerves - I mean, nothing I was going to do on the drive from Akron to Toronto was going to change my testing numbers.

I was fine… until the very first morning. The first of many that I will be away from my family.

I darted up so fast to see what time it was. I felt a little sick. In under five seconds, my mind went from what everyone was doing at home, to wondering if everything was okay...to the dreaded "holy shit, if this is how I feel on day one, am I making a big mistake?"

I got up feeling a little uneasy and for the next 20 minutes, I was wrestling with the question if I was able to do this. Was I able to actually leave my family for the majority of 2020 to pursue my passion of playing softball on an Olympic Level?

If one of my teammates or my coach would have asked me in that first 20 minutes, the answer would have been “No.”

But, here I was. In a hotel room, with fitness testing for our team on the docket.

So, I just did what I needed to do. I got changed. I brushed my teeth. I packed up my stuff. I grabbed my snack. I chatted with my roomie and catcher, Rafter. And with one foot in front of the other, I walked out of the hotel room and made my way to the Training Center and got ready to test.

 

 

Testing went fine. I got over my feeling of sadness and became excited.

I stopped worrying and just tried to live the moment.

I found peace in the “doing” part.

So, what happened that morning?

To be honest I was just scared.

I was scared to leave my “normal” (and predictable) life.

I was scared that I was making a mistake as a mom.

I was scared to put myself out there as a player who hasn’t played for four years (and one year in the last 12.)

I was scared. I was nervous about completely changing my world.

And once I was able to immerse myself in what I loved, and once I let go of all the things I couldn’t control (like what the kids ate for breakfast when I wasn’t there) – guess what? That emotion that was coming out as “scared” and “nervous” took on a new role of excitement.  

I was told that the reaction you have to nerves – the sweaty palms, the racing heart, the butterflies in your stomach…those reactions can be seen as excitement too. You just need to reframe how you are feeling.

Next time you are faced with a decision that scares you, that makes you nervous, don’t just say no.

Sit on it.

Flip those feelings upside down and get DOING.

Remember...the physical feelings of nervousness...butterflies in the stomach, sweating...are actually the same feelings of excitement. Tell yourself that in the moment!

You just never know where those feelings and actions will take you! 

 

~ LB

PS - Ladies - please join my Strong Mom Strong Fam Facebook Group! It's women-only (minus my hubby Dave who helped me, and is continuing to help me) create this amazing Community! Let's lift each other up, help each other, support and motivate each other to be the best versions of ourselves...after all... Strong Mom's build Strong Families!!




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